


It Takes Two Parents to Name a Child

by Chelonie



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Bad Decisions, Crack, Don't copy to another site, F/M, Fluff and Crack, Pregnancy, terrible names
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-29
Updated: 2019-11-29
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:47:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21603985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chelonie/pseuds/Chelonie
Summary: Harry tries to name his children. Oddly enough, Ginny gets her own say....
Relationships: Harry Potter/Ginny Weasley
Comments: 38
Kudos: 119





	It Takes Two Parents to Name a Child

It was the happiest moment of Harry's life. Happier than discovering he was a wizard. Happier than defeating Voldemort. Happier even than the moment Ginny agreed to marry him, or even the moment they were actually married. Happier than the moment Ginny had told him she was pregnant.

He was looking at his firstborn son.

"He's so tiny!" he said to Ginny.

"You try squeezing something that size out of your arse and tell me it's tiny," Ginny grumbled. Though she had a smile on her face. She was holding the baby in her arms, covered with sweat, and she had never looked more beautiful.

"Welcome to the world, little James Sirius," Harry said.

Ginny looked up at Harry, and gave him The Look. Suddenly he was very glad that she didn't have her wand (witches in labour were routinely disarmed before admission) or he suspected he would be sprouting Bat Bogeys. 

" _James Sirius_?" she said icily.

"That's what we agreed...?" he tried.

"No, I said either name was fine, as long as you got me some strawberry honeydew ice cream from Fortescue's."

"Which I did! And it wasn't easy, since Fortescue was dead! I had to buy out the place and hire someone to reopen it and decipher his recipes!"

"And all of Diagon Alley is happier for it, dear. So you can have James or Sirius. Not both," Ginny said.

"Why not? James was my father, and he died fighting Voldemort. Sirius was my godfather, and he died trying to save me from Voldemort. Why wouldn't you want our child to carry both names?" Harry whined.

"Oh, I don't know... maybe because _I_ have a father _too_?" Ginny snapped. "Remember me? The witch who built this baby inside her body and just spent fourteen hours pushing him out of her body?"

"I love you," Harry said desperately, realising she was angry.

"Merlin's soggy underpants, you always say that when you realise I'm angry but don't have any idea why," Ginny said. "Just go. Come back when Hermione has written a proper apology for you."

* * *

A few years later, the Potter family - Ginny, Harry, and little Artie (Arthur Sirius) - were at Fortescue's after a midwife's appointment. Ginny had a giant bowl of strawberry mango ice cream. 

"Another boy," she said. "If we don't get a girl the next try, that's it. I'm not going for seven like Mum did," Ginny said.

"You're not?" Harry said. "I mean, no, of course you're not." He was still fairly shit at dealing with emotions, but he had gotten better at recognising when he was on thin ice. 

"So are you thinking James for a name?" Ginny asked.

"Actually, I wanted to go with Albus Severus," Harry said. "But... I remembered from last time that you wanted to pick one of the names, so..."

_"Albus... Severus..."_ Ginny said slowly. Harry swallowed hard, remembering that although he was Head Auror, he had never, ever been able to draw his wand faster than Ginny could.

"Albus was my mentor..."

"I was thinking Dean," Ginny said. 

"Dean?"

"He was _my_ mentor," she said. "My first orgasm with another person was with Dean Thomas under the Quidditch stands. He used his fingers on me, and it was absolutely mind-blowing. I think he should be commemorated, don't you?"

"What the fuck? Ginny, why would you want to saddle our kid with that?"

"Oh, I don't know, Harry? Why would you want to name our kid after a man who wanted to be a Dark Lord over all muggles until his plans got his sister murdered? Or a man who groomed two generations of child soldiers to fight against Voldemort? Or a man who was proclaimed to be Hogwarts' greatest headmaster, but allowed monsters, Death Eaters, and Voldemort himself to infiltrate the school every fucking year?"

"Er..."

"So no, Harry. We will _not_ be naming this child Albus. Try again."

"Severus was the bravest man I ever knew. He walked willingly into Voldemort's camp as a spy, knowing it was likely to get him killed. And eventually it did get him killed. That's courage," Harry said.

"You know who else was brave?" Ginny said.

"Er..."

"Barty Crouch Jr. I mean, he took on Mad Eye Moody and won. Locked the man in his own trunk. Then he infiltrated the school taking polyjuice. Every day he drank a potion that removed one leg and one eye. He pretended to be one of Dumbledore's best friends right under Dumbledore's crooked nose, knowing that if he got caught, he'd be Kissed. Then he got caught, and he _was_ kissed. That's courage. Yes. I think Dean Bartemius Potter would be a fine name," Ginny said.

Harry realised that he was about 3 seconds away from being hexed. "So... James?"

"What would you think of James Rubeus?" she suggested.

"Rubeus? Like Rubeus Scrimgeour?" Harry said, confused.

"No, you plonker. That was _Rufus_ Scrimgeour. I mean Rubeus after _Rubeus Hagrid_!" Ginny said.

Harry beamed. "Ginny, that's brilliant! We better lay in a supply of tablecloths before we tell him though. He'll be bawling all over the place."

* * *

When Ginny fell pregnant for the third time, Harry had learned his lesson. He waited for Ginny's opinion.

"Lily Luna?" Ginny suggested.

"That sounds like a beautiful name for a beautiful girl," Harry said.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

>  **More terrible names for Harry and Ginny's children:**  
>  Lucius Cornelius  
> Petunia Bellatrix  
> Peter Fenrir  
> Dolores Nagini  
> Gilderoy Tom


End file.
